


The times between

by angylinni



Series: Finding Home [6]
Category: Hunger Games Trilogy - Suzanne Collins
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Crack, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M, Violence, War
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-07
Updated: 2013-04-07
Packaged: 2017-12-07 19:47:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,496
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/752359
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angylinni/pseuds/angylinni
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Katniss has left Peeta once more and flees to Africa where she thinks maybe some good can come out of her messed up life.  Fate once again has plans for her and she struggles to deal with the suffering she sees every day.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Always saying goodbye

“Hey Catnip, what’s up?”  
“I’m in Paris, waiting for my flight to Chad.” Katniss said as she sat in the bar, staring at the glass of Drambuie that was sitting before her. The bartender had winked at her as he set the drink down, nodding towards the far corner and gentleman sitting there, smiling her way. She smiled tightly before dropping her head back down to stare at the fake wood of the bar.  
“Paris? Chad? What the hell, Catnip? I thought you were home, trying to give whatever it is you’ve got going on with Mellark a go?”  
“It’s over Gale. I can’t give him what he wants.”  
Gale sighed into the phone. “You ran away again, didn’t you?”  
“Don’t start,” Katniss snapped, reaching for the drink and taking a deep swallow. The alcohol burned going down but she relished the pain, knowing it would bring a sweet oblivion later. “I let him go to find someone to be happy with because we both know that’ll never happen with me.”  
“What happened?”  
“We had a pregnancy scare and I lost it,” she said softly, reaching for the drink again to try to fend off the tears that wanted to fall whenever she thought of what could’ve been had the lines on the stick been different.  
“Dammit, I thought we talked about this Katniss?” Gale said wearily. “You said you were going to try to be with him, no matter what.”  
“I did try, Gale,” she hissed into the phone. “But I can’t change who I am. I never wanted kids, that was all him,” she said desperately.   
“Running away to Africa is trying?”  
“That’s different.”  
“The fuck it is. You go to Africa, and every other hellhole you can find to try to save lives.”  
“I’m not cut out to be a mom; I’m not wired to care about another person like that.”  
“Hell, you raised Prim; sacrificing everything you could to make sure she had the best of everything. If that’s not being a mom, I don’t know what the fuck is.” She took another drink, feeling the alcohol smooth out the rough edges, dulling the pain in her heart that was her constant companion as Gale continued. “Katniss, you can keep lying to yourself all you want, but the truth is staring you in the face, you’re just too stubborn to admit it.”  
“I don’t even know why I called you,” she said, dropping her head to her arm and leaning on the bar. “You never make me feel any better.”  
He laughed. “Honey, you call me because I tell you the truth. We made that promise to each other a long time ago, remember?”  
“I remember,” she said softly. “Hang on a sec.” The overhead speaker went off, announcing that her flight had been cancelled due to a storm in Chad. “Well shit,” she murmured.  
“What?”  
“My flight’s been cancelled,” Katniss said.  
“Yet another sign that you need to fix this Katniss, before it’s too late.”  
“It’s already too late, Gale.”  
“Katniss.”  
She sighed deeply. “I gotta go; I have to find someplace to sleep tonight. I’ll call you later.” Over his protests, she hung up the phone, turning to grab her bag.  
“I believe I could help you with that.” Katniss looked up into the dark brown eyes of the man that had sent over her drink. He spoke in French accented English, giving her a rakish smile.  
“Oh really?” she asked, dropping her phone into her bag. “And what makes you think I’d accept?”  
He shrugged. “A beautiful American woman, all alone in my fair city, you look so sad Cherie, I cannot help but to offer my services.”  
Katniss laughed. “Wow, does that line usually work for you?”  
The man chuckled. “Usually, yes.”  
“Not this time. Sorry, I have to call my office. Thanks for the drink.” She bent down and gathered her bags and walked quickly out of the bar. Slipping into the crowd, she quickly left the bar and the good looking Frenchman behind. Pulling out her phone, she scrolled through the contacts until she found the one she needed.  
“Panem, International, how may I help you?”  
“This is Katniss Everdeen, is Sebastian available?”  
“Of course, Ms. Everdeen, one moment please.”  
Ducking out of the crowd, she leaned against the wall, dropping her bag at her feet as she waited.  
“Katniss? I had no idea you were in Paris until Effie informed me just now.” His smooth, dulcet tones filled the tiny earpiece of her phone and she smiled, despite her mood. Sebastian Wrottesley was a wicked libertine, the son of an English shipping magnate and his Moroccan mistress. He was also the glue that held Panem, International together with his Eton contacts and access to the moneyed elite through his father, keeping the money flowing so they could help the poor and downtrodden of the world.  
“I’m stranded, Seb. My flight’s been cancelled and no word of when they’re going to reschedule.”  
“I’ll send a car.”  
“No, I can take a taxi to the office, but I need someone to find me a flight into Chad within the next twenty-four hours, or anywhere else close that I can get a car. I’m supposed to be on the next convoy into the Darfur camp on Friday.”  
“Of course, I will put Effie on it immediately. We’ll talk when you when you get to the office.”  
“Thanks Seb, I owe you.”  
“Think nothing of it, my beautiful girl. We have much to catch up on.”  
Katniss sighed as she hit the end button. Yet another relationship she’d fucked royally and then ran away from. At least he didn’t hate her, like Peeta probably did. Shaking her head, she sighed. She couldn’t go there; it hurt too much to think about him. That was a wound that would take years to heal, if ever.  
~*~  
The taxi pulled up outside of a small home on the outskirts of the city, twenty minutes after she’d finally found one willing to take her this far. A discrete gold sign next to the door listed the building as the European headquarters of Panem, International. Katniss handed over enough money that the cabbie got out and actually unloaded her two bags on to the sidewalk instead of forcing her to do it herself. Stepping out of the car, she grabbed the bags and began walking towards the steps leading to the door.  
As she entered the building, memories assaulted her. This was the place she’d run to after finding out about Peeta’s dalliance with Glimmer. She’d spent nearly a year here, working with and eventually becoming involved with the enigmatic man that held the organization together on a shoestring budget. Sebastian Wrottesley had taken his father’s connections and the lush sensuality he’d inherited from his Moroccan mother to Eton and charmed the pants off of everyone he’d met. Tall, with thick, dark hair, light olive skin and the deep blue eyes of his English father, he was six foot four inches of sex on two legs. He knew all the right people and had the access to the deep pockets of the English aristocracy that helped keep Panem, International alive and operational.  
Pushing open the door, she stepped into the foyer, closing the door gently behind her. A smiling brunette rose from the desk in the corner. “Bonjour! May I help you?”  
Katniss set her suitcase down. “I’m Katniss, from America. You must be new? I’m here to see Sebastian.”   
As if she’d summoned him by speaking his name, the door to the right opened and Sebastian walked out into the foyer. He moved briskly towards her, enfolding her in a warm, full bodied hug. “Ma belle! You look exactly the same as I last saw you! Is it sorcery that keeps you from aging?”  
Katniss snorted as he released her. “You always were an accomplished liar, Seb,” Katniss said with a weary smile. “I look like hell and we both know it.”  
“Non, you look even more beautiful than the last time I saw you,” he stepped back and studied her critically. “And just as sad.”  
Katniss snorted. “Now I know you’re lying, Sebastian, twelve hours on a plane and three in the airport is not conducive to looking beautiful.” His brow lifted and she sighed. “And as for the sadness, I’ll tell you later, okay?”  
He nodded and turned back to the brunette behind the desk. “Danielle, did you make any headway on finding our lovely Katniss a flight to where she needs to be?”  
The girl nodded eagerly. “Oui, but it is not until eleven tomorrow morning.” She glanced at Katniss quickly. “Did you wish for me to arrange lodgings for her this evening?”  
Sebastian shook his head. “Non, she can use one of the guest rooms here.”  
Danielle nodded, moving back to the desk and sitting down in front of her computer. “Suite nine is available.”  
“Perfect,” Sebastian said, reaching for Katniss’ bags. “How about you take a shower and a nap and join me for dinner later? We are long overdue for a catch-up.”  
She smiled at him gratefully and nodded. A shower and a nap sounded like heaven. He led the way through the foyer and back through the house until they reached a covered walkway connecting the houses together. Turning back over his shoulder, he gave her a concerned look. “You will be okay with number nine?”  
Katniss nodded, her heart clenching. Suite nine was where she’d lived when she’d stayed here before and it was as filled with memory landmines as everything else in her life. No matter where she went, something reminded her of Peeta. “It’s over, Sebastian, I destroyed it all,” she said softly.  
He dropped her bags and enfolded her in another one of the full body hugs that she’d forgotten how much she missed. Sebastian never did anything by half measures. Fat tears filled her eyes but she refused to let them fall. It was her fault, everything was her fault. Wrapping her arms around him, she accepted the comfort that he offered. It felt good to have someone just hold her, not demanding, just giving. The last few months with Peeta had been fraught with tension, building to the inevitable confrontation they’d had. She’d known it couldn’t have gone on forever. Peeta was a patient man, but he wanted more and she’d always known that, dreading the day when he’d finally realize that she couldn’t give him what he wanted.  
Sebastian pulled back, lifting her chin. “You never do anything by halves, do you my love?”  
She gave him a watery smile. “I wouldn’t be me if I did, now would I?”  
His rich, deep laugh filled the corridor and she smiled despite herself. “I’ve missed you, beautiful Katniss. Very much.”  
“Thanks, Seb,” she said softly, reaching up to lay her palm along his cheek. “I’ve missed you too.” She was surprised to find that the words were the truth and not just the platitude that she’d intended. Sebastian had an easy manner and was so over the top outrageous in his compliments that he made the crushing loneliness that had been her constant companion the past forty-eight hours just a bit lighter. It wasn’t much, but it was a start. “I’m going to shower and then sleep like the dead for several hours.”  
“I will come for you in five hours and we will have dinner and fine wine and talk about this sadness of yours.”  
She nodded as he led them down the hallway, using the keycard to open the door of suite nine. He moved back and let her enter first, following behind with her bags which he set on the rack by the closet. He walked towards her, pulling her in for another warm hug, pressing a gentle kiss to her forehead. “Sleep, ma belle, I will see you at eight this evening.”  
“Thank you, Sebastian,” she said softly, smiling as he trailed his hand down her arm, squeezing her fingers gently. “For everything.”  
“You are welcome, Katniss.   
~*~  
The shower had been hot and so soothing she’d nearly fallen asleep in the stall, but she’d managed to wrap the towel around her body and crawl to the bed, sliding beneath the covers and falling asleep as soon as her head hit the pillow. When she awoke, the room was dark and the lights of the city spilled in through the large picture window. Her phone was flashing with a message alert and she sat up, reaching for the light beside the bed, flipping it on. Opening her phone, she dialed voicemail, her heart lodging firmly in her throat. She was ninety nine percent certain it wouldn’t be Peeta, but that one percent had her stomach churning and her pulse racing.  
“Ma belle, come to my office when you wake up and we will feast beneath the lights of the city of love and perhaps I can ease the sorrow that is painted in every pore of you.”  
She flipped the phone closed and leaned back against the pillows, her eyes closing. Maybe what she needed was something without strings, or demands – someone not Peeta. Flipping the covers back, she got out of the bed and padded over to her suitcase, pulling the zipper open. Her clothes were for Africa and not for a night out on the town underneath the lights of Paris, but she had a black maxi dress that Prim had given her that she might be able to make work.  
Twisting her hair up in a messy bun, she slipped the dress over her head and stepped into the sandals she’d worn on the plane over here and with a cursory glance in the mirror, grabbed her phone and purse and went to find Sebastian.  
~*~  
Their hands were tangled together as they walked slowly down the street, full of delicious food and superb wine and the comfort of being with someone that knew your secrets and still liked you. Katniss leaned her head against his arm as he led her into the house that held the guest suites. “Dinner was lovely, thank you again.”  
“It was my pleasure,” he said, squeezing her fingers lightly. They stopped before her door and she leaned back against the wall, staring up at him with limpid eyes. He moved closer, bending down and gently pressing his lips against hers. She sighed against his mouth, his arms sliding around her waist, pulling her up against him.  
Tears filled her eyes and she felt her skin crawl as his hand palmed her ass, pressing her tightly against the burgeoning erection between his thighs. Wrenching backwards, she stared up at him, tears streaming down her cheeks. “I…I can’t,” she gasped.  
“Katniss,” he said gently. “Forgive me.”  
She shook her head. “No, it was me. I thought…” Her gaze dropped to her feet. “I thought it would help me forget.”  
“And it made it worse,” he said, stepping back. “You should not go to Africa so full of sadness; you know how it is there.”  
She did know, and that’s part of why she was going. There she could lose herself in the needs of the desperate and try to forget that her heart was irretrievably broken. “I’m sorry, Sebastian,” she said softly.  
He shook his head. “Non, it is I who should be apologizing. Your sadness cloaks you like a shroud, my love. I worry for you.”  
Katniss straightened her shoulders. “I’ll be fine, I always am,” she said softly but firmly. “I need to go somewhere that I can do some good and right now, that’s Africa.”  
He nodded and smiled. “If you need anything, anything at all, you will call me, won’t you?”  
“I will, I promise,” she said, curling her hand around the door handle.  
“Take care, Katniss and I hope the next time I see you, that cloak has been lifted.”  
“You and me both, Sebastian. Good night.”


	2. catalyst

“No! Please! Don’t take my baby!”

“Katniss, its okay, wake up!”

Blinking her eyes, she peered blearily at the copper haired man bending over her, grasping her shoulders and shaking her slightly.  She jumped as realization set in.  “Dammit,” she snarled.

He sat back, releasing her while tossing a rueful smile her way. “That sounded like it was all kinds of miserable, kitten.”

Katniss rolled her eyes and sat up on the cot, wincing as her back and neck protested.  “Bugger off, Odair.”

He leaned back and smirked.  “Can’t kitten, we have incoming.”

“Shit, why didn’t you say something instead of trying out your latest pickup line?”

Dr. Finnick Odair snickered and rose smoothly from the rickety cot, holding out his hand to help her up.  “You’ve got time to wash your face and get something to drink, kitten.  Hell, it’s not like we’re going to be able to do anything more than make them slightly less dead.”

“Ever the optimist,” she snapped, sliding her legs over the edge of the cot and rising quickly, grimacing as pain shot down her spine once more.  She wasn’t as young as she’d been the first time she’d come here and the living conditions were wreaking havoc on her body. Of course it didn’t help that every time she closed her eyes she saw Peeta and the baby that almost was, held in the loving arms of someone that wasn’t her.  The nightmare played on an endless loop anytime she managed to catch more than ten minutes of sleep, leaving her bleary eyed and barely conscious, muscle memory and repetition getting her through all but the most intense moments of her time here.  “Who was it this time?”

“Badu and his gang.  They must’ve heard that we’re getting a new shipment but not all the pertinent details, so they’re going town to town to bust a few heads and see if something shakes loose.”  Katniss shivered, despite the heat.  Badu was the worst of the worst, a self made warlord with a penchant for violence and a taste for barely old enough girls.

“He must not know I’m here then,” she said softly, wiping her sweaty palms on her shorts.  “If he did, he’d have been here, busting heads.  He’s the one with the bounty on my head.”

“Jesus, kitten.  What the fuck are you doing here then?  You know he isn’t the type to just play touchy feely.  He will kill you if he finds you.”

Katniss shrugged, trying to play it off, but her hands were shaking so much she stuffed them into her pockets.  “Marvel told me he was dead.”

“Fuck,” Finnick breathed, raking a hand through his hair.  “We’ve got to get you out of here, now.  Badu’s right behind all those poor sods shambling their way here.”

Katniss turned to face him, shaking her head.  “It’s too late, Finn.  I’d never make it anyway.”

“Then we’ll hide you,” he said, closing the distance between them.

“Where?” she asked, scoffing.  “There’s no place here that he won’t look, you and I both know that.”

Finnick sighed again, dragging his hands through his already disheveled hair.  “We’ll figure something out kitten,” he said softly, slinging his arm around her shoulders and hugging her.  “We have at least an hour, I’m going to go round up the troops, see if we can brainstorm an idea.”

Katniss leaned into his hug briefly, taking the comfort that he offered.  They’d had a rocky start when he’d first arrived, brash and cocky and so full of himself that she couldn’t help but try to take him down several pegs.  They’d finally moved past that when their temporary camp had come under siege by competing warlords, stuck in the middle of a two day battle that left both sides reeling and barely anyone alive.  They’d spent a harrowing night burrowed underneath the tents, listening to bullets whine overhead and the pained cries of the wounded they’d been unable to move in time.  When the fighting had finally stopped, they’d turned to one another and fell into each other’s arms, two lonely and desperate people in the center of hell, seeking solace and comfort in the oldest of ways.  She’d cried when he’d pushed into her, his face buried in her neck, murmuring another woman’s name into her skin.  She’d closed her eyes and saw not copper hair, but thick, blond curls and laughing blue eyes.  Her fingers had moved over a back that was muscled and firm from lifting heavy bags of flour all day, not wiry and lean from the many years spent on fishing boats before he’d become a doctor. 

Neither of them had said a word when it was over, reaching for their clothes and getting dressed in silence, walking to the canteen and pulling out the bottle of whiskey, taking turns drinking from the bottle.  “How do you bear it?” She’d asked quietly as they sat in silence across the table from each other.  Finnick stared back at her in disbelief.  “I don’t, Katniss!  Obviously, I don’t.  I drag myself out of nightmares each morning and find there’s no relief in waking.”  She’d dropped her gaze to the table, tears streaking silently down her dusty cheeks.  He’d sighed.  “Better not to give into it.  It takes ten times as long to put yourself back together as it does to fall apart.”  She’d never asked who Annie was, and he never commented on her calling out Peeta’s name as she’d surrendered to her body’s need, but their relationship changed that night and she knew for certain, if he hadn’t been there, she’d have lost what little sanity remained in her.

He pressed a gentle kiss to the top of her head.  “Stay here, kitten, we’ll figure this out.”

Katniss sighed and nodded, sitting back down on her cot.  Finnick left the tent and she reached into the box tucked beneath the cot, pulling out the small box of letters from home.    Lifting the lid, she traced gently over the handwriting on them – Prim, Gale, even Haymitch had sent one. Gale’s she knew were emotional landmines and she hadn’t quite been able to read them yet, but it helped knowing they were there when she was ready.  Prim told her what she needed to know, and what she didn’t ask but was dying to know.  Pulling out the latest one, she opened it and began reading.

_Katniss,_

_Since you haven’t asked, I’ll tell you because I know you’re dying to know.  He’s still here, working in the bakery.  I’m not sure if it’s living, what he’s doing, but at the very least it’s surviving.  I go in to see him every week when I pick up the cakes that Rory loves so much he can’t live without, and he always tells me he’s doing fine, but I can see in his eyes that he’s lying as much to himself as he is to me.  I still can’t believe you walked away from him, and all that you had together.  As long as I live I’ll never understand it.  I love you big sis, more than anything, but you can be dumber than a post when you get your stubborn up._

_When are you coming home?  Your niece wants to spend time with her “cool” aunt and do all the things that Rory and I refuse to let her do.  She carts your picture around constantly, asking when Aunt Kat is coming home.  Yes, I’m being a bitch playing the kid card, but dammit, I miss you!  You don’t even have to come back here, just out of that godforsaken hell hole.  Every time I turn on the news I hear more and more stories of the unrest over there.  I know you’re staying as safe as you can, but you have no idea how hard it is to not be able to call you or see you.  Hell, maybe you do and you’re just avoiding me because I tell you what you don’t want to hear.  Gale says you do the same thing to him.  He’s super pissed at you, by the way, for not bothering to respond to a single one of his letters.  He told me to tell you that he’s touring for the USO and if you can’t manage to get your ass to one of the places he’s visiting, he’s going to be very upset because you didn’t tell him you were leaving and you haven’t called him since the airport in Paris.  He sent tickets and passes to your offices in Paris because he isn’t sure that you’d get them wherever the hell it is you are right now.  I don’t even know if these letters are reaching you, maybe I’m writing to you and you don’t even realize.  Shit, I can’t go there – I won’t go there.  Come home, Katniss.  The world can save itself; you’ve done more than your fair share._

_If you are reading this, know that I love you, big sis, and I’m worried about you, pretty much daily.  If you could manage a phone call to let us know you’re okay, I’d greatly appreciate it.  Talk to Gale, he misses you just as much and it’s killing him that you’re shutting him out.  We both want the best for you, I hope you know that and we love you more than anything._

_Love Always_

_Prim, Rory and Selena_

_PS  Buttercup misses you too._

Katniss laughed as she read the postscript.  That mangy old cat hated her guts and was probably reveling in the fact that she wasn’t there.  Brushing away the tears that had gathered in her eyes, she folded the letter carefully and tucked it back into the small box.  The box went back into the rucksack she had packed to go in case of emergencies, filled with the things she couldn’t live without.  As she tucked the box back into it, her hand came into contact with something soft.  Stifling a sob, she pulled out the length of soft orange, lifting it to her nose and inhaling deeply.  It still smelled like him, but barely.  Cinnamon and the faintest hint of dill clung to the flannel.  Closing her eyes, she inhaled deeply again, her stomach quivering as she realized she’d forgotten what his voice sounded like.  The vision she had of him was getting hazy around the edges, like a faded photograph and it hurt worse than she could even put into words.  Images from her nightmare returned and she sobbed softly into the length of flannel, crying for not only Peeta, but the possibilities that she’d left behind.

The sound of pounding feet on the hardwood floor of her tent startled her and she rose quickly, tucking the scarf back into her rucksack and reaching for the gun she also kept beneath the bed.  Finnick was the first through the doorway and he stopped short at the sight of the small gun pointing right at his heart.  “Easy kitten, it’s just the cavalry.  The truck is here and we’re getting you the hell out of here.”

Katniss frowned, lowering the gun.  “What do you mean the truck is here?”

Finn shrugged, closing the distance between them, keeping a leery distance from the ugly black pistol she still held.  “Leeg raised Jackson on the radio and told her to hightail it back here because we were about to go through a shitstorm.  We’re evacing asap and we’ll come back after it’s safe.”  He spun on his heel and began walking to the door of the tent.  “Get your things; we’re leaving in two minutes.

Katniss glared at his back.  “And what about the wounded on their way here?”

Finnick stopped and turned to look at her over his shoulder.  “We can’t help them if we’re dead, can we now?”

“I’m not leaving,” she said firmly, folding her arms across her chest.

He spun fully around, stomping back over to where she stood.  “You are leaving if I have to pick your sorry ass up and carry you out of here, do you understand?  You’re not dying today, kitten.”

“I’m not leaving.  I took an oath that I would help these people and me running away from the threat isn’t helping them, is it?”

Finnick closed his eyes briefly and bent forward, slinging his arms around her waist and hefting her up onto his shoulder.  “Being a martyr isn’t going to get you anywhere, Katniss,” he grunted as her knee connected with his abdomen.

“I’m not a martyr, Finnick.  Put me down, you arrogant ass!  I have a job to do!”

He grunted again as she pummeled his back and he set her down, grabbing her shoulders and shaking her hard.  “Listen to me, you stubborn, willful bitch!  I’ve fucked up a lot of things in this life and I will be damned if I let you fuck this up too.  Annie’s gone, dead because of the same stupid belief that she could make a difference in the face of pure evil.  Badu will KILL YOU, if he finds you here, and chances are, he’ll kill the rest of us too, for harboring you.  So, would you kindly get your ass in the truck so we can try and save some lives?”

“I can distract him, draw him away from the camp,” she insisted.

He sighed and shook his head.  “Do you love him?”

“What?”

Finnick leaned in so close she could see the minute freckles that bridged his nose.  “Do. You. Love. Him?”

Her eyes closed and she swayed as pain seared through her, curling around her heart like barbed wire.  “More than my own life.”

Finnick grunted.  “Then get your ass out of here and onto that truck and live to take the chance that I never got.  Fix whatever is between you, Katniss, because finding someone to love in this godforsaken world is a blessing you shouldn’t squander.”  His voice was soft and so filled with pain it made her ache.  “Don’t make the same mistakes I did, Katniss. Find your way home to him.”

The truck horn honked loudly, startling them both.  Katniss grabbed her rucksack and followed Finnick out of the tent, slinging the bag onto her back as they ran.  Cressida opened the door, pulling them both inside as Jackson floored it, spewing rooster tails of sand high into the air.  Mitchell handed out guns and Katniss took one of the rifles, tucking her pistol into her waistband after she set the safety.  Her eyes met Finnick’s across the seat and she smiled sadly.  “I’m sorry about Annie.”

He shrugged and she could see the fine sheen of tears glistening on his eyes.  Reaching out, she clasped his hand tightly.  He squeezed back and it was the last thing she saw before the world turned upside down.

~*~

Bullets whined around them, pinging into the metal skeleton of the truck.

“Ambush!” Jackson shouted, leaning out the window to take aim at a tall, masked figure that popped up out of the brush on their left side.  The man went down with a wild scream, his finger spasming on the trigger of his assault rifle, peppering the truck with bullets.

Katniss lifted the rifle and sighted her shot, taking aim at another masked figure that was charging towards them from the right side.  The truck hit a boulder and bounced just as she pulled the trigger and she cursed as her shot went wide.  The world narrowed to the feel of the stock against her shoulder and her finger on the trigger.  She heard screams and blocked them out, concentrating on taking out as many of the masked soldiers as she could.

It felt endless, like time had stretched out into one continuous loop of bullets and screams and blood – so much blood.  The stench of it filled her nostrils and she gagged as it consumed her.  When her finger on the trigger just made a clicking noise, she tossed the rifle aside and reached for her pistol, taking careful aim with each of her precious bullets.  Fire blossomed across the desert and she found herself standing up, leaning out the window.  “If we burn, you burn with us!”  A bullet thunked into the roof next to her head and strong hands jerked her backwards, into the truck as they fishtailed, the tires struggling for purchase in the slick sand.  It was hell on earth.

The noise and the heat and everything else faded to background noise and all she could concentrate on was the rapid thump of her heart.  In that moment, she felt like she could feel Peeta’s beating in time with hers, matching it beat for beat.  Thousands of miles separated them, but through the haze, she could see his face, watch his hands as he kneaded the dough for the next day’s batch of bread, flour dusting over the thick hair at his wrists.  Finnick was right; she needed to fix what she’d broken.  There was no guarantee that he’d be willing to even listen to her, but she had to try, not only for the connection they shared, but for Finnick and Annie as well.  She’d found her home when he’d followed her out of that stupid party all those years ago, it was the one place that she knew with every fiber of her being belonged to them alone.  She’d broken it and it was up to her to fix it.  She had to trust not only in him, but also herself.  Awareness slammed into her with painful clarity and she raised the gun in her hands, sighting down the line and squeezing.


	3. Who will save your soul

Katniss stared out the window at the beauty of Paris and sighed. It was time to go home, time to try to fix the mistakes she’d made.  She glanced down at her phone, fingers tracing lightly over the date.  It’d been two years since she’d seen Prim and Gale, faces haggard as they stood over her hospital bed in the aftermath of her time in Darfur.  Tears blurred her eyes and she blinked rapidly, trying to clear them.  So much loss.  It’d taken six months before she could even get out of bed and face the day, another year of therapy to relearn everything she’d forgotten while laying in bed recovering from the four broken ribs, the loss of her spleen and the bullet lodged above her kidney, near her spine.  It was nearly five years to the date that she’d last seen Peeta’s face, contorted with anguish and self loathing as they’d fought.

She reached for the letter that had arrived last week, Haymitch’s messy scrawl barely legible.

_Sweetheart –_

_I figure you’ve wallowed long enough.  There’s a job waiting for you here, teaching archery and music to the kids at the school.  Called in a few favors, knowing you’d need somewhere to hole up after all the shit you’ve lived through.  You may not like it here, but it’s your home and it’ll welcome you back with loving arms, if you let it.  There’s none of them fancy doctors or whatever else you’ve gotten used to over there, but there’s me, and Prim and everyone else that misses you even if they won’t admit it._

_Time to face your demons, girl.  You’ve danced with the devil long enough, time to come home and let someone else be Galahad. That dragon’s bigger than you’ll ever be and it’ll take more than one mule stubborn girl to take it down.  You know where to find me._

_H_

He was right; there were other people to slay those demons now.  The news outlets had finally begun bringing to light the misery that was Darfur. It was someone else’s problem to deal with.  She’d had enough of death and suffering, and losing friends.  There wasn’t a day that went by that she didn’t think of Jackson and Leeg and all the other faces from the camp that hadn’t made it out of the shitstorm that Badu had waged.  Most of all, it was Finnick, with the hint of lilting brogue coloring his words, telling her that she needed to live, needed to find her way home, that got her through the past year, staring at the four walls of her room, trying to relearn who she was.  The Katniss that had come out of Africa was different than the one that went in.  The sadness was still there, cloaking her like a shroud, but it was tempered with hope.  Hope that the world wasn’t as evil as it had seemed to be, hope that the future would offer solace to her wounded and aching soul.  Hope that Peeta and she could find some sort of resolution to whatever it was that was between them.  It wasn’t love; it was too strong for that. He was the other half of her soul, yin to yang, black to white, the perfect compliment to her messy, complicated psyche.

Her phone buzzed, pulling her from her musings.  A smile creased her lips as Gale’s picture appeared on the screen.  “Hello?”

“Hey Catnip,” Gale said and she could hear the happiness in his voice.  “Guess what?”

“You and Brutus are finally going to make it official?”

“Am I that transparent?” he asked and she could just see his grin stretching from ear to ear.

“No,” she said, laughing.  “He called me yesterday to let me know that he was going to ask you, and make sure that I’d be back in the States for the ceremony if you actually said yes.”

“Did he really think I wasn’t going to?”

Katniss laughed, leaning back against the wall of the window seat.  “No, but he was nervous.  This is a big deal Gale.”

“I fucking know it’s a big deal, Catnip!  Hell, I’ve been waiting for this day for how long?”

“So, are you wearing a dress?”

He laughed and the sound was so contagious that she joined in.  “Fuck no, my hairy ass legs don’t need to be seen in anything but a nice tux.  But you’re wearing a dress, you realize that, right?”

“Damn you, that’s not fair.”

“You look good in dresses, Katniss, I don’t.”

“Again, not fair,” she said, still laughing.

“So you’re coming back home?”

 

“Yeah,” she said softly, “I’m in Paris right now, but I have a flight into Pittsburgh tomorrow morning.  I just got back from the Sudan; I was on a team that was helping to dig wells as part of my therapy.”

His voice was quiet.  “Did it help?”

She sighed deeply.  “Yes and no.  It helped me to realize that there is still good in the world, but it made everything that had happened come back in sharp relief.”

“I’m always here if you need to talk to someone,” he said softly.

“I know, Gale and trust me, that means the world to me.  I have a therapist that I’m going to start working with when I get back, someone Haymitch knows who is a specialist in dealing with post traumatic stress.  She works with a lot of the soldiers coming back from the war, so she’s got a lot of experience dealing with what happened in Darfur.”

“Good, I’m glad you won’t be dealing with this alone,” he said. 

She could hear laughter in the background, getting louder.  “Are you with the rest of the band?”

“Yeah, we’re getting ready to go on stage in twenty, but I wanted to make sure I talked to you before the news broke anywhere.”

“I’m happy for you Gale; nobody deserves this more than you.”

“You’re next, Catnip,” he said quickly.  “It’s your turn to be happy too.”

“Maybe,” she said softly.  “At least I’d like to think so.”

“He loves you, Catnip, even if he doesn’t realize it anymore.  And I know for a fact that you never stopped loving him.”

Katniss sighed again.  “Sometimes love isn’t enough, Gale.  Especially after all the pain I put him through.”

“He’s culpable too, Catnip.  He’s the one that lived by all those crazy rules without calling you out on your shit.  Don’t forget that.”

“I don’t, she said, picking at a stray thread on her pants.  “But he never ran away from me Gale; he never left me when I needed him.”

“We’ve all done shit in our past that we regret, that’s what makes us adults.  You need to take responsibility for the stuff you’ve done, and so does he.  You’ll work it out, I have faith in you.”

She laughed softly.  “More faith than I have in myself, apparently.”

“You and I both know that being a grown up is messy, and painful but you just have to put on your game face and push through the bad times to find the good.  You’ll get there honey, I know you will. And even if you don’t get back together with Mellark, I still think going home is the best thing for you.  You’ve given enough Katniss. You tried to make the world a better place and nearly died for it.”

“I love you Gale, you know that, right?” she asked, wiping away the tears that had gathered in her eyes.

“Of course,” he said quickly.  “And I love you to the moon and back, Catnip.”

“Go out there and knock them dead and I’ll see you when you get back to the States.”

“Love you sweets!  Give yourself a big hug from me every day because you deserve it.  I’ll catch up with you soon!”

“Bye.”  She closed the phone and leaned back against the wall, closing her eyes.  She was so happy for him; he deserved every bit of happiness this was going to bring.

Walking to the closet, she pulled it open and took out the dress she’d bought last week for her last night here.  Sebastian was taking her out on the town to say goodbye.  Yesterday had been her official last day at Panem, International and while she’d miss her friends, she knew this chapter in her life was closed, and rightfully so.  Her successor had started two weeks ago and she was as fresh faced and idealistic as Katniss had been twelve years ago when she’d first started working with PI.  Finch Langley would fit in nicely with the crew that was heading out next week to the Sudan.  She was smart as a whip and fresh out of grad school, itching to do some good in the world, not to mention she already had Sebastian wrapped around her little finger.

Shedding her clothes, she walked to the bathroom, hanging the dress on the door.  Pulling open the shower curtain, she started the water, humming lightly under her breath.  The steam was rising in from behind the curtain and she stepped into the stall, ducking under the spray.

Ten minutes later, pleasantly warm from the heat of the water, she stepped out, towel wrapped tightly around her.  Still humming, she twisted her wet hair into a braid and tucked the end up with several bobby pins.  Reaching for the dress, she stepped into it, dropping the towel before zipping it up.  Walking back into the room, she pulled open her suitcase and found a pair of panties, sliding them up her hips before tucking her feet into the modest heels she’d bought to go with the dress.  Simple gold hoops in her ears and a swish of blush across her cheeks and she was ready, reaching for her purse and phone.

The knock on the door made her smile.  Sebastian was always punctual, almost to a fault.  The clock read seven pm on the dot and she walked over, opening it with a smile.  “I’m going to miss seeing your smiling face every day, Sebastian,” she said as he stepped into the room and enveloped her in one of his full body hugs.

“Ma belle, you look as beautiful as ever,” he said when they’d pulled apart.

She smiled up at him, cupping his cheek.  “And you, my friend, are just as big of liar as ever.”

Sebastian’s eyes crinkled at the corners as he laughed.  “Non, the cloak of sadness that has plagued you for so long has lifted.  Finally, I see my beautiful Katniss again without the melancholy that haunted your eyes.”

“It’s still there, but I’m working on it,” she replied, looping her arm through his.  “Now, I believe a very handsome man promised to wine and dine me across Paris tonight, did he not?”

Sebastian laughed, lifting her hand and pressing a kiss to her knuckles.  “Handsome, he most certainly is not, but he did promise you the delights of the city, ma belle.  Our chariot awaits us downstairs.”  He led her out of the room and down the hallway and for the first time in a long time, she thought that maybe things might just be looking up.


End file.
